A $200 proposal

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else.
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said: "I'll give a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said no. Johnny said: "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down snd I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend ... So she called her boyfriend ... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says: "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded: "The bastard used coins!"

My daughter

"I'm worried," said the woman to her sex therapist. "I happened to find my daughter and the little boy next door both naked and examining each other's bodies."
"That's not unusual," smiled the therapist. "I wouldn't worry about it."
"But I am worried, doctor," insisted the woman, "and so is my daughter's husband!"

Yo Mama's so ugly

- Yo Mama's so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals"
- Yo Mama's so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yeah! Let's go bury it!"
- Yo Mama's so ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
- Yo Mama's so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.
- Yo Mama's so ugly, they didn't make a costume for her when she tried out for Star Wars.
- Yo Mama's so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say, "Damn! Is it Halloween already?"
- Yo Mama's so ugly, the govt. moved Halloween to her birthday.
- Yo Mama's so ugly, her mom had to feed her with a sling shot.
- Yo Mama's so ugly, she had to trick-or-treat over the phone.
- Yo Mama's so ugly, two guys broke into her apt., she yelled "rape", they yelled "NO!"
- Yo mama's so ugly, she's like Taco Bell. When people see her, they run for the border.
- Yo mama's so ugly, it looks like her neck threw up.
- Yo mama's so ugly, rice crispies won't even talk to her.
- Yo mama's so ugly, she scares people even with the lights out.
- Yo mama's so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
- Yo mama's so ugly, when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out.
- Yo mama's so ugly, that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
- Yo mama's so ugly, I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back."

Little Johnny and Dad

Little Johnny and his Dad were driving through town one day.
Johnny says, "You know Dad, I bet I have had sex with more women than you". His Dad was shocked that Johnny could possibly think this, so he says, "Son, there's no way! I've been on this earth 20 yrs longer than you have, there is no way you have been with more women than I have!".
Johnny replies, "Yep, Dad, I think I have."
So his Dad thinks for a minute, "I tell you what, when we see a woman we've had sex with, we'll clap."
Johnny says "o.k."
They continue down the street, Johnny says "Hey look, it's Betty Lou" (clap).
His Dad looks, "Ya, I know Betty Lou" (clap).
"Look," says his dad, "There's Sally" (clap).
Johnny says "I know Sally" (clap). "And there's Jenny" (clap).
His dad looks, "Yes, I know Jenny" (clap).
So Johnnys dad says "Well, Son, I've got to hand it to you, you haven't done bad for yourself, but I've got ya beat."
They pull into the driveway, Johnnys dad goes in and says "Hi Hon" (clap).
And Johnny comes in and says "Hi Mom," (clap) "Sis," (clap) "Grandma" (clap)