A $200 proposal

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else.
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said: "I'll give a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said no. Johnny said: "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down snd I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend ... So she called her boyfriend ... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says: "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded: "The bastard used coins!"

Good, bad, ugly

* Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
* Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
* Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

* Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
* Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
* Ugly: You're in them

* Good: Your husband understands fashion
* Bad: He's a cross-dresser
* Ugly: He looks better than you

* Good: Your son's finally maturing
* Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
* Ugly: So are you

* Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
* Bad: She keeps interrupting
* Ugly: With corrections

* Good: Your wife's not talking to you
* Bad: She wants a divorce
* Ugly: She's a lawyer

* Good: The postman's early
* Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
* Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

* Good: Your daughter got a new job
* Bad: As a hooker
* Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
* Way ugly: She makes more money than you do

* Good: You're son is dating someone new
* Bad: It's another man
* Ugly: He's you're best friend

* Good: You're wife is pregnant.
* Bad: It's triplets
* Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

The wife

"Okay," said the wife, "I'll admit I like to spend money, but it's the only extravagance I have!"